Pinterest Elizabeth I Ramblings & Lifestyle: September 2016

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Am I Lost? Or Just Broken In An Unknown Way? l CandidlyLiz

Hello there everyone.

I have been putting this blog post off for a very long time because I simply didn't want to have to do this. For the past few months, I have been feeling a mixture of things. None of  which have been good.

To be completely honest, I really don't know what is going on. One day, I just woke up with a small, dark, rain cloud over my head. I began feeling incredibly depressed, anxious, tired, weak and physically and mentally broken all at the same time. I was crying continuously and paranoia snuck up on my at the most unfit times.

Over the past few months, I have tried to fight it off ; ignored when a migraine unexpectedly took over or smiled when I really felt like dying. But nothing is working. Now, the once, small rain cloud has done the exact of what I needed by only growing and evolving into something I am barely managing. The cloud is now monstrous, covering my whole body and the immediate area around me, its dark as night with heavy rainfall that dampen my day, earsplitting thunder that gives me aches, and bling lightning which is causing me to lose my way.

So, in a way, I guess I am breaking up with my blog or just taking  break. Who knows? I can't lead and advise other people when I myself no longer know what the hell I am doing. I don't know how but before I can help any others, I need to help myself. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I am over not being able to enjoy my vacations because of my pesky partner, the dark cloud. Even now, I write this while sitting in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas, instead of going outside and trying to enjoy myself.

I don't know how long I will be absent or if I will ever return. I don't know what's going on with me which my make my situation even more difficult. Am I lost somehow and have to find my way back? Or did something in me break and will I have to find the tools and strength within me to fix it?

 These are the questions I ask myself all the time. I  don't want to ask these anymore. I want to be free.